How I am feeling

The big questions these days is "how are you doing with everything?" And that is really a rather loaded question. How am I doing?

Emotionally

1) Well, Jonathan has been gone for three weeks now and I am just about adjusted to not having him around. I chose to say adjusted because I still miss not having him around but I have learned to live with it. I miss him terribly some days, and other days I just miss him a little, but no matter what I miss him. Even though we only got three months together, and really were still learning how to live with each others quirks, I have found that it is the little things that I am miss most. So how am I doing with not having him around... alright.

2) I decided to come back to my parents house while Jonathan is overseas which means leaving the people and community I had come to call home. That is different because it really is a whole different world up here. Living around an Army post is something else, and certainly nothing like living in Portland, OR. I struggled a little at first wondering if it really was the right thing to do; come home or not. I still am not decided on how I feel. I wish I could participate in Family Readiness Group meetings and other support things they have for spouses with deployed soldiers, but at the same time, I am very glad to be around my friends and family that have known me for a long time. The adjustment period for being back 'home' is really taking longer than I had anticipated but I am making it work and trying to stay positive.

Physically

I am tired. That's all there is too it. I try and keep busy so that I don't have a lot of down time to just think about what could be going on for Jonathan but sometimes in keeping busy I wear myself out. Also, especially the last few days, I have been getting calls from him at very early hours of the morning. Which makes setting a sleep routine difficult because of course I am going to talk to him whenever I get the chance, but it has to be when he can call, even if that means for an hour at 2am. But also, I have found that sometimes anticipating a phone call can be tiring as well. When he hasn't called for about 4 days that is when I usually start to feel the repercussions of wondering or hoping constantly whether or not the phone is going to ring.

Overall

In the grand scheme of things I am so thankful that God knows our life plan... and that He has a perfect plan. Because Jon and I were only living together for three months a lot of this adjustment is getting used to the long distance relationship thing again. It is almost like I took a 3 month long vacation to Kansas. Yes, there is more emotional attachment and all the stuff I mentioned above, but overall I am doing well. I have my good days and I have some hard days but I trust that this deployment is going to strengthen me, Jonathan, and our relationship. I also have to trust that God is going to keep my soldier safe and remember the we are both being covered in prayer as well as all the others over there. Remembering that He has a plan is comforting even on hard days.